There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
