She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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