She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
