My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
