You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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