that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm too high and old for this...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
