I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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