Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm always down for nudity.
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