Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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