they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize