Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
