if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
