I just made out with a guy for $7.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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