i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
