so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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