so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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