She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
