Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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