porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
