i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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