dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
