Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
