Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
