when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
