the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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