just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize