I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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