Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
only if we run a train.
done.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
