hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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