we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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