Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
