He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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