I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
