He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
