I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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