Porn is love you can see.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
