Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize