all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize