used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
vagina is talking i cant
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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