Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
