i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
