I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
