somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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