Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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