i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
