Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She announced her abortion via fbk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
