I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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