I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
