that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
