i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
