i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
