dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
