bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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