I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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