I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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