In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
