Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
3pm strippers are depressing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
