So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
