I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
