i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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