You can't motorboat a personality
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
