she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
