Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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