there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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