I think my vagina is haunted
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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