PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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