they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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