I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
